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50 THINGS You wish you could say at Work:

  • This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
  • Aha...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
  • Nice perfume, MUST you marinate in it?
  • A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
  • Chaos, panic, & disorder--my work here is done.
  • I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  • I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
  • I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
  • I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
  • I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
  • It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you’re saying.
  • I can see your point, but I still think you're full of _ _ _ ­_!
  • I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  • You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
  • I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
  • I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  • I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  • Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
  • The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
  • Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  • What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
  • I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
  • It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
  • Yes, I am an agent of DOOM, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
  • No, my powers can only be used for good.
  • You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
  • Who me? I just wander from room to room
  • And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
  • Do I look like a people person?
  • I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
  • You!... Off my planet!
  • Does your train of thought have a caboose?
  • Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  • A PBS mind in an MTV world.
  • Allow me to introduce my selves
  • Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  • Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
  • Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
  • I'm trying to imagine you with a personality
  • How about never!! Is never good for you??
  • Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
  • Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
  • Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
  • I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
  • How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  • I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
  • If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  • What – do I look like I work here? I’m just along for the ride!
  • Hey I resemble that remark.
  • Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Last Updated on: February 26, 2016

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